Helping the Self-Helpless

Society has gotten lazy. We are bombarded with quick-fixes and short-cuts that have made it too easy for us to not take responsibility of our own lives. Too often do we point a finger at the government for not "giving" us health care or being in $10,000 or more of debt from the decisions we have made. Too often are doctors prescribing happy pills to the downtrodden individual who feels as though their Xanax cocktail to start the day off will bring eternal happiness while Timone and Pumba's "Hakuna-matata" is vibing through thier veins . Too often are parents feeding their young children adderal because they "have trouble focusing on homework" when in reality, do not want to take the extra time to work with their child or be an influence in their EVERY DAY lives. Too often do we fail to take a look at ourselves, slow down, take a breath, and attempt to uncover the roots of our problem.

Take for example my last visit to Border's Bookstore. I am cruising through the Travel - South American section of the store, butterflies beating against my ribcage in excitement for my pending Central/S. American romp. I begin to envision my spirit soaring over Machu Picchu, ingesting the ethereal essence of mystical mountaintops I will become one with, when suddenly I am blasted out of my daydream and brought back to the worn out wooden bookcases of Borders and a high-pitched piercing, "EEEEHHH Ahem, excuuuse me...heeelllooooo exCUUUUSE MEEEE!."

What the hell was that? Instantly I swing my head around to see a large, grumpy, middle-aged woman (picture Chris Farley playing the lady in Lunch Lady Land skit...without the hair net) with a stroller, violently flapping a piece of paper in front of the spaghetti-framed, black nail polish toting, Dariaesque looking girl behind the customer service desk . I am taken aback by the Lunch Lady's indiscrete bitch-slap worthy of an attitude, and continue to listen to see what must be so vitally important. Frightened Daria is on the phone, stuttered to the angry lady she has two people on hold, would love to help when she is finished, but if it is urgent, lunch lady can feel free to use the three open computers that read "Easy Finder: Need help finding a book, start here!"

Ms. Farley continues to yell, "I need you to help me find this book now, I am in a rush...it's called Self-Help, ahh something something." Wait, are you fucking kidding me? I begin to laugh and am waiting for Ashton Kutcher to run out to the customer service lady and tell her she got punked, but no, this helpless nagger was truly demanding that the employee drop everything she is doing to help Lunch Lady find a Self-Help book.

Wow, talk about starting on the wrong foot eh? This made me think, does this lady even want help? If she really wanted to start making a life-change, you would think that she could at least take the first step in maybe looking for the book herself, or at least go about it in a more polite way. This incident is just a trailer to the broader blockbuster smash I seem to buy a ticket to every day, called "America: Can You Just Do It For Me?"

There is such a saturation and craze in Self-Help ever since Opera blew up "The Secret" and Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" and started a trendy movement towards individuals starting to realize they are the only person who is truly in control of their lives and in essence, the only person who can make themselves happy. This is a nice warm and fuzzy message that actually does hold absolute truth, but seems to get muddled in the mass marketing of books, radio, and TV shows. The problem with the commercialization of these books is that the vital core competency of changing one's life around is overlooked. This relates to the quick fix/easy-way-out scoliosis effect that has begun to bend our society's backbone out of allignment. Balancing your life and discovering true happiness takes years of analyzing one's behavior every day, not just reading a book called "Self-Help" and after the last page magically become cured of helplessness (Let alone forcing someone to help you find the Self-Help Savior).

I am not saying that anti-depressants, the government, or family parenting tools are detrimental to the well-being of an individual, on the contrary, they are able to help an individual ween some of the side-effects of a core problem. In all of these instances however, the main focus should be set on splicing together the short circuit in the mainframe of Self, not to just refurbish the outer shell of our human mechanism. Let's start taking some more initiative in changing ourselves, stop pointing fingers, don't keep looking for the easy way out, and we can learn to bask in our communal future of Self-Helpfullness!

Nation's Capitol in a Nutshell

I've been waiting a while to write this one. What does it mean to be a District of Columbian? How would one characterize a Nation's Capitolist? What really makes DC...DC?

I spend a lot of break time smoking cigarettes in the park near my steakhouse establishment. I've made friends with Mr. Hey-can-I-get-a-smoke (along his pack of wise cigsayers), attempt to juggle futbol's with the local vatos, and best of all, analyze the comings and goings of the average Washingtonian to concieve what this whole city is really about.

Let's start by first pointing out some other prominent American cities and how we tend to characterize them.

Baltimore - Weird semi-NY/Boston accent, The Wire, The Purple and Black, Crabs, Roudy full-beer chuckin Preakness "Baldimore" ragers.

NYC - Long Island Jews, everyone wearing black in the winter cuz black is soo sheek, Pizzerias, The Yankees, Fashion District, Wall Street, eating dinner at 9, pregaming till 12 then hitten the meatpacking district till 5, fast-paced, taxi dodging, cell phone walking New Yoa'kas.

Denver - Recycling, Vegan everything, mini-california where everyone has vacation homes, Snowboard Brand repping Bros, disc golf, health-conscious excerise no matter where you look, nestled in between snowcapped mountains, disgusted grimaces from locals who watch the innocent cigarette smoking passerby who doesn't realize he/she mine as well be shitting all over the super clean fresh air and vibes this pretty little city exudes... and Redrocks.

San- Francisco - Buddah repping-dharma bums, can't tell the difference between the backpacker and the wayward change-inquirer (both who you still smile and wave to as you pass), marijuana musk around every corner, hot pink shorts for the "boys", Fullhouse..haha, bright colors and faces from the Mission, businessmen walking down Van Ness with a smile and a wave; and a conglomeration of content/unique INDIVIDUALISTS pulled by the mysterious magnetic force of the Golden Gate Bridge that leaves folks unable to understand what exactly brought them to San Fran, but that it was the only thing that DID in fact seem right at the time.

Lets now take a peek at Washington DC's unique characteristics that contribute to it's opaque and not-so definitive image that make it slippery to put your finger on.

First off, the folks who spend the majority of their time in DC...arent from DC. Every day, Masses of commuters flock in from Northern Virginia and Maryland for their 9-5 and appear to be the "faces" of DC. This is the first problem in defining the Washingtonian...much of the population during work hours consists of Virginians and Marylandites, not actual Washingtonians. Not only is the city full of individuals paying taxes to three different states/"districts", you also throw in the thousands of transplants from around the country and world that temporarily live in DC to the mix and it makes for an interesting melting pot of ideals, sports fans, and styles. To make the city even more disparate, you sprinkle in masses of the more underprivileged and lower income True Washingtonians (whose soapbox savior was the maniacal Mayor Marion Bary...) who end up being overlooked, overshadowed, and stomped on to form the bottom crust of this potpourri filled patchwork pie of a city. After initial inspection of the core constituents and demographics of the nation's capitol, one can see how it is very difficult to start defining "The Washingtonian".

Piggybacking off of the transplant/commuter anomaly, we should look at how the major professions and careers that make up the bread and butter of the district adds to the confusion of a defined image of the Washingtonians. The core of Washington seems to be the Diplomats, Congressman, Lobbyists, Politicians, and Lawyers along with their underlings that flock to the nation's capitol throughout the year. DC is a playground of policy for these individuals who are from different cities, states, and countries that are lobbying their interests for their constituents elsewhere. DC is the country's home base, and must promote an image of neutrality. The political individuals in the city, therefore must promote an image of neutrality as well. Neutrality seems to go hand in hand with the absence of individuality and uniqueness, which are the common traits for these "prominent" figures of Washington.

The bar at my restaurant is a perfect petri dish to analyze the comings and goings of the "power class" of DC. We have everyone from senators, lobbyists, lawyers, to BP bigwigs dwell around our bar every day and night. Some have grown to know each other, all wear solid colored dress shirts and a blue blazer, and love to talk big. In fact, the majority of our customers appearance and demeanor can be compared to the entrees we serve at Bobby Van's Grill. They look the part, are dressed with all the proper trimmings, and garnished with expensive appearing accessories. In reality, they are just overpriced, not who they say they really are (Our "Prime" dry-aged steaks aren't even prime..or dry aged) and leave you with nothing but an expensive bill and a bad taste in your mouth You see, none of the "power class" of DC wants to stand out or deviate too far to the left or right of their comfort zone that can be described as a perfect balance of "blah" or "ehh." When you look into their eyes once their buddy passes by, they let their guard down and give off a very unsure vibe, as though they are all trying to follow this image that they don't even understand themselves. It can be compared to high school kids who feel as though they need follow the ways of the "cool" kids, when they are not even sure or know why the cool kids are in fact cool. In their defense, the core competencies of their jobs rely on making sure they don't "shake the boat" in any way, and present an image that correlates to more votes, more clients, or more money AT THAT CERTAIN TIME. This is neither good or bad, just...interesting.

Lastly, most city-dwellers can at least find a common ground in a sports team that brings these incongruent pods of people together...but alas, Washington struggles with this angle as well. Lets start with the Washington Nationals. Here we had an opportunity to unite DC with a new baseball branded team, and since they've struggled for so long, most lost interest. The Washington Capitols provided a glint of hope once Ovechkin came on board, but hockey still isn't respected enough on the national stage for Americans to start gloating about whose hockey team is better in casual bar-corner conversation. The Wizards??? Kind of cool when Jordan game back...yeah. We had some bandwagon fever for a time, then Mr. Gilbert Arenas had to bring a gun into the locker room and folks just lost interest completely. But wait...the Washington Redskins!!!! Many Maryland commuters love the Ravens, transplants love their home team, and Redskins fans only really get excited before the season starts (whining, cussing, and "fuck Snyder!" ensues post game 1). So without a strong foundation of sports tradition and the absence of even the slightest hint of bandwagon fever, the clueless classification of the Nation's Capitalist ensues.

Washington symbolizes the strength and stability of the country and provides a framework for individuals to gain, usurp, and communicate power for the benefit of themselves or their constituents. But a framework doesn't make a city a city. Heritage, culture, and unique individuals with common interests shape the image and "feel" of a city. I constantly ask myself where is the meat and potatoes of this city? Where's the balls of DC? And I think it is safe to say that it is a city of comers and goers, a TRUE melting pot of society living side by side (at least 9-5) where ones comes to either make something of theirself or merely make a trip to see the national mall. However, once the career stint or day visit is over, the visitors make a move out of the city to return home. So Take what you can from the city, give a wave to my buddy the Blackberry-toting Bum off the 12th street bridge, and save some time to take a mental snack break in this nutty nation's capitol. Whether you call Washington DC a city, a district, or a capitol, it is truly an anomaly... and I think I like it that way.